bloglikecrazy – Page 6 – Kristina Hamlett writes to connect, heal, and be a force for change.

Passing It On

On Sunday, I watched the Michelle Obama interview with Robin Roberts. She is promoting her new book “Becoming” and I couldn’t have been more excited to watch her open up about her life.

I don’t know if this is a hard process for her or if she’s been waiting awhile to get some things off of her chest. I tried to imagine what that would feel like…leaving such a bright spotlight and then easing back in even for a book tour.

And I couldn’t.

My imagination is limited because I lack the “all eyes on me” experience. There was a time in my life when words was all I wanted to represent me and I didn’t share very many of those and definitely not too many pictures. The thought of prying (and judging) eyes horrified me. Writing on this platform obviously changed things as did my decision to join social media two years ago.

The fear I held was due to insecurities, the lack of intimate connection I witnessed with the progression of technology and my all-around comfort with being alone. But experience is a teacher.

It has taught me my story should be shared. That if I don’t, I wilt. If I don’t, the pieces of me affected by psoriasis, plants, marriage, being Haitian-American, reading, family, Christ, doubt, joy, depression, unexplained connection, frustration, curiosity, Blackness…all of it dies with me.

I want it to be very much alive.

I want to pass it to you.

Mushroom Stroganoff (Vegan)

I was feeling pretty tired and then just plain under the weather today (is summer almost here yet?). That was why I was especially happy that Hubby was off and felt like trying a new recipe: Mushroom Stroganoff (Vegan). He found the recipe on onegreenplanet.com.

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients

8 ounces uncooked ribbon noodles
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 yellow onion, chopped
3 tablespoons whole wheat flour, divided
2 cups beefless beef broth or vegetable broth
1 tablespoon soy sauce
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon tomato paste
1 1/2 pounds mushrooms (half Portobello and half White Button mushrooms), cut into large 2-inch chunks
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/2 teaspoon dried sage
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon white wine vinegar
1/4 cup vegan sour cream (optional)
10 turns of fresh ground, black pepper
1/4 cup flat-leaf parsley, minced

Preparation

Cook the noodles per the direction on the package. Under cook them a bit because they will be cooked again once incorporated into the sauce.
Drain and set aside.
In a large saucepan, add the olive oil and sauté the onions for 3 minutes over medium heat.
Add the flour and cook for 30 seconds, stirring constantly.
Gradually add the broth, soy sauce, lemon juice, and tomato paste, while stirring at the same time. Stir until mixture becomes thick and bubbly, about a minute.
Add the mushrooms, thyme, sage, and salt. Stir to combine.
Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently until mushrooms have shrunk in size.
Add the vinegar and simmer for 4 more minutes.
Add the noodles, sour cream, 1 tablespoon of flour, black pepper, and parsley and cook on low for an additional 5 minutes.
Garnish with parsley.

Delicious and best of all, happy I didn’t have to cook. The only major change he made was using penne pasta.

Enjoy!

If I Don’t

Someone asked why I write

If I don’t

Write

If there’s no

Pen to paper

Fingers to keys

Then I won’t know

Who I am

I won’t continue to

Figure it out

I won’t remember

Reading Psalms

And singing hymns to him

While he laid on the hospital bed

Draped in a gown.

How I screamed

Into the towel

When the pain of seeing my scars

Spilled out

And had nowhere else to go

Or how the sun beams puncture the shades

And the weight of him pins my legs down

On a Sunday morning and my mind

Is on a loop

“Let this never end.”

When I stepped off the stage and

I didn’t believe

It was over

And I wanted

More talking, More listening

About the written word

When I was surrounded

By Black Women

And we were Supernatural

The freckles on my mother’s face

A solitary kiss on the cheek from my nephew

The ache I have that I am not sure

How to ease

Because I haven’t reached out

If I stop

Writing

If I don’t

Write

Will I forget it all?

Will it unravel?

Unspool?

And I won’t be able to to hold it all together

Anymore.

3 Questions

Do you think you’re exciting?

Do you think you’re interesting?

Do you think you’re original?

Those are the three questions Hubby and I asked each other this morning. I don’t know why we started to ask the questions but that’s the turn the conversation took.

I wouldn’t be married to someone that I didn’t find interesting or exciting at least some of the time. And let’s face it. None of us are a thrill ride every hour or day of our lives.

However, the one thing I believe we all are is original. No one has ever been like us or will ever be exactly like us again in this world. I think the mistake is some of us believe to be an original, you must seem dynamic, enigmatic or possess genius the world has yet to witness.

The truth is all we ever had to be was conceived.

We just had to be.

The rest–the life lead afterwards just broadens the definition of your own originality.

The question we must ask ourselves is how do we broaden the definition? The broadening determines our interest or excitement factor to those we encounter, live our lives with and love.

Your turn:

Have you ever asked your friends/family/partner these questions?

Joy

I was writing a quick bio for a website this week and the woman said she loves the sound of children’s laughter. I agreed and she said it was because of how innocent it is. Of course, she was right. It’s never phony or rehearsed and it comes from a place of pure joy.

Take my 3-year old niece. When she reaches over, grabs my nose and I pretend to shriek, she giggles uncontrollably. The happiness in her eyes and voice–I could experience it every day and never grow tired of it.

Even though the days have long passed since a simple gesture could make me laugh like that, there are many things that bring me joy.

Here are 10:

1. Sleeping on freshly laundered sheets. The warmth and the smell are so comforting!

2. Knowing that my husband kisses me goodbye every morning–whether or not I am conscious enough to remember it.

3. Sharing exciting news with my parents!–I may be in my 30’s but it still makes me feel good that they are proud of me.

4. Writing a piece I am proud of. It’s definitely not all about how it’s received. I love the way it feels to finish and know I left nothing to be desired in my eyes.

5. Watching my sister perform. I have never seen her more confident and radiate more joy (outside of being with her family) than when she is at her studio.

6. Having in-depth conversation with my brother. He was my first best friend and when we have the chance to connect that way, I can’t help but fondly reflect on our early years together.

7. Taking long baths. The next place we move to needs to have a ridiculously huge tub so I can enjoy it more often!

8. Being in the middle of a book that I never want to end. The feeling of not wanting to let the characters go.

9. Being in tune with my spirit during prayer. I can’t always get there but when I do, it’s like I am blooming.

10. Feeling in sync at a dance class! There’s nothing like feeling like you are flowing with the music and letting the struggle go.

Your turn:

What brings you joy?

Acceptance

Today, I had a conversation about energy, spirit, connection and quantum physics which started to flow into another conversation about near death experiences.

It had me thinking about the one thing I hear almost all people say after having one: They are no longer afraid to die.

I have no idea what that feels like or if I should even aspire to live that way. Yes, living without being consumed by fear is aspirational for me but no fear of dying?

As a Christian, we are taught not to be afraid of death. There will be life, glorious life waiting for us on the other side. My faith says that’s true but my humanity says I haven’t lived this side of life fully yet. When I go, I want to be nearly exhausted by the memories, the sheer force of how much I have to remember. I surely am not there yet.

I asked my husband, who lost his father many years ago, was there any comfort in the fact that he lived well into his 80’s?

He answered: “It never feels like there’s enough time.”

I had to take a moment to let it sit. If it will never feel like enough, then I better get on with the business of acceptance.

Accepting it may never feel like enough words, silences, sun, giggles, sex, food, hugs, tears, seasons, scars and breath.

Enough love.

But that’s ok because while I’m getting on with the business of acceptance, I’m getting on with the business of living.

Getting Free

When I began #bloglikecrazy challenge, one of the things I wanted to explore was paying off debt. Even though my blog mostly explores plant-based health and writing, financial health is something I am sure we can all agree is extremely important. I believe it’s all connected.

I have never considered myself extremely financially savvy but the one thing I did I absolutely do not regret is buy my first home on my own 11 years ago. Sure, there have been times when I wished I could just call a landlord to handle a problem. I can’t deny that but no matter the ups and downs I went through as a single or married woman, no one can take away the fact that I did it on my own.

I can truly take care of myself without a life partner or a parent making those monthly decisions for me or with me.

There is nothing wrong with doing it with anyone else–that is how I live now but I carry the knowledge that when it comes down to it, I don’t have to be afraid of that unknown.

As hubby and I move forward with our lives, we seek to become completely debt-free with the ability to travel and give as we wish. We are trying to be accountable and truthful with ourselves as possible.

I’ve noticed when it comes to money how easy it is to excuse spending outside of the budget, especially on going out to eat. I have been listening to Dave Ramsey on and off for years and used to watch Suze Orman but all of the information is useless if I am not vigilant about implementing it.

So for the remainder of this year (to start), I am challenging myself to stick to a budget. Like down to the penny. I’ve done it before but the intention is different because I am. I will be strictly back on the Total Money Makeover Plan and look forward to being the kind of person who not only shuns excuses about writing and health but about finances, too.

Your turn:

Are you on a specific plan? How have you prepared yourself (and your family) to be financially free?

Confessions

10 things you most likely don’t know about me…

1. I have lost a lot of my hair over the years due to PCOS and girl, please go to a hairdresser on a regular basis to take better care of your natural tresses.

2. I watch an episode of “The Office” almost every day. It still makes me laugh..some of the best writing (and acting) ever!

3. When I was younger, I used to rip out reviews from the TV guide written by Jeff Jarvis and save it because I thought being a TV critic had to be the coolest. job. ever.

4. When I was 22, I went to Costa Rica and my purse was stolen at a restaurant along with my passport. Needless to say, I got back in the country but that was a night I will never forget.

5. I hate shopping! Mall shopping has actually made me queasy. I want to buy what I need and get out immediately.

6. I still have the original text message my husband sent me in 2010 to introduce himself.

7. I can walk on my toe knuckles. I don’t do it anymore but when I was little I loved it! I wonder how I even found out I could do it in the first place.

8. One of my favorite movies is “The Mirror Has Two Faces.” I don’t know why I love it so much. I am not a huge Streisand fan but there is something about it that makes me giddy to watch.

9. I didn’t have any social media until September 2016 and had I not joined School of Greatness Academy, I probably still wouldn’t.

10. Watching people dance (well) on stage can make me cry. I mean even an audition on a dance competition show can trip me up. Sometimes I choke it back because I know it’s ridiculous but when I am alone, you would swear something happened to me. There’s something about dancing with passion and precision that gets to me.

So those were my confessions! Hope you enjoyed getting to know me a little better!

And on another note, I hope you voted today.

Authenticity

I went to lunch with two friends earlier last week. We discussed our goals, stepping out on faith and what to do when we don’t believe. A suggestion was made that I take the time to write what I am not believing God for. For example: God, I don’t believe I will be able to financially support our family in a real way with my writing. Show me what to do with these feelings. Show me how to increase my faith. Help me to align myself, my habits and my words so that I can believe this for myself.

Even though what I just wrote was clearly an example, a conflict arose for me. There is a school of thought that a lot of self-help people and people of faith (and both) subscribe to that says you are to claim your dreams and your victories as if they are already here.

As if you’ve already won.

While that school of thought feels empowering and I am sure has produced mind-blowing results, something inside says that it ignores the very real struggle of getting to that place. The place of full-on, no questioning, all-mighty certainty.

Is there a place for me? Someone who’s in the middle? Someone who believes winning is completely possible but also sometimes feels like they’ve already lost?

I am going to take my friend’s suggestion and journal and pray from a very honest, sometimes lost in the wilderness place and also from a hopeful, medals already swinging from my neck place.

Even though there are no guarantees as to where these honest prayers will take me, I find solace in its authenticity.

Syzygy

Last night, we randomly watched Jeopardy on Netflix and I learned a new word.

Syzygy.

Definition: the nearly straight-line configuration of three celestial bodies (such as the sun, moon, and earth during a solar or lunar eclipse) in a gravitational system.

It got me thinking about what has to go right all at the same for that configuration. The details surpass my basic understanding of eclipses.

Then this thought occurred to me: is there a word for when everything goes right at the same time? In someone’s life?

I googled it. What came up confounded me. The first of many results asked “What do you you do when everything goes wrong at the same time?

The search results begged the question: Are we inherently negative? OR Do we even recognize when it is all going right? When it’s all going right, do we take the beauty of that circumstance for granted?

I know things all going right doesn’t mean perfection which I personally love. Knowing everything can feel right without a false expectation of perfection is perfection to me.

This knowledge is peace.