Today, I had a conversation about energy, spirit, connection and quantum physics which started to flow into another conversation about near death experiences.

It had me thinking about the one thing I hear almost all people say after having one: They are no longer afraid to die.

I have no idea what that feels like or if I should even aspire to live that way. Yes, living without being consumed by fear is aspirational for me but no fear of dying?

As a Christian, we are taught not to be afraid of death. There will be life, glorious life waiting for us on the other side. My faith says that’s true but my humanity says I haven’t lived this side of life fully yet. When I go, I want to be nearly exhausted by the memories, the sheer force of how much I have to remember. I surely am not there yet.

I asked my husband, who lost his father many years ago, was there any comfort in the fact that he lived well into his 80’s?

He answered: “It never feels like there’s enough time.”

I had to take a moment to let it sit. If it will never feel like enough, then I better get on with the business of acceptance.

Accepting it may never feel like enough words, silences, sun, giggles, sex, food, hugs, tears, seasons, scars and breath.

Enough love.

But that’s ok because while I’m getting on with the business of acceptance, I’m getting on with the business of living.





This week’s word is “cleansed.” Even though I am very busy during the week, I made the decision to move myself a bit more and incorporate more fruits and veggies via smoothies and juices. I ended up with a 8.4lb loss but that wasn’t the best thing about this week. It was how clean I felt. I was more clear, energetic and focused. I started to think about setting fitness goals like a race and it seemed more real than ever. I don’t want to get too excited. I am guilty of signing up for a couple things I wasn’t prepared to complete in the past so the next time I do it, I want to feel confident.

Knowing rather than guessing is best so I will keep putting in the work and accepting the results peacefully.

It’s the only way to I know to truly love and honor myself during this process.