Tonight I met up with a friend and let it all hang out:
all of the highs and all of the low lows
all of the insecurities
all of the love
all of the resentment
all of the hope
all of the fear
all of the joy
all of the past dreams that didn’t come true…some I let go..some I don’t know how to let go
Or should let go
Letting all the words find a way out
My way of singing a song
Even if my voice cracks and there’s no pretty left.
Tonight, I made raw vegan tacos using walnut “meat” and used Romaine hearts as the shell. I have used walnut before but never made fresh pico de gallo and cashew sour cream. The recipe came from mydarlingvegan.com. Everything came out well but I needed to add a bit more sea salt to the cashew sour cream and let it sit in the refrigerator a bit longer. I also added more cumin and hot sauce to the walnut mix. We fell in love with the pico!
Here’s the recipe:
To make the walnut meat, blessings d all taco meat ingredients in a food processor until walnuts break down into small crumbs. Do not over mix, they will quickly form a paste. Remove from processor and set aside.
We definitely will be making this again!
Today is the fifth day of my July Raw Food Challenge. I have eaten a raw food diet before for a short period of time. The biggest difference I see this time around are the detox symptoms. I did lose weight this week (4.6 lbs) but parts of my body are covered in red rashes. Apparently, it’s a common symptom that I never experienced before. I had fatigue and headaches in the past but watching myself breakout like this has been jarring. I think because of my psoriasis the thought of my body being covered in something I can’t control unnerves me.
It doesn’t mean I will stop. I am telling myself that it will go away in a matter of days. I just have to wait it out. I am holding onto the benefits and staying excited about my results at the end of the month.
Your turn:
Have you ever experienced any detox symptoms? If so, how did you cope with it?
We’re halfway through the year and I have been reading a lot about reevaluating goals for the reminder of the year.
At the end of 2017, I laid out my writing goals for 2018. They included finishing the 1st draft of my novel, pitching or submitting work each week, be open to speaking opportunities, apply for fellowships and completing an E-book.
Reflecting on the first half of this year, I haven’t pitched every week but I have had my work published on 2 sites. I was on a panel for James River Writers’ January Writing Show and had the pleasure of speaking to Riverside Young Writers. I haven’t applied for any fellowships but I did apply to be part of a digital storytelling conference (still waiting to hear about it). I haven’t finished the first draft of my novel but I did complete my first E-book available on this site:
I am proud of the strides I have made. I am letting go of the weekly submission goal. The goal that is most important to me besides keeping up with this blog is finishing the first draft of my novel. It is the one thing that matters most to me.
I don’t want to go into 2019 wondering what it will be like to finish.
I just want to know.
Today is Day 2 of my raw vegan challenge for the month of January. It was surprisingly easy. I enjoyed mangoes, Go Raw bars, raw slaw and a satisfying green smoothie Hubby brought me home on a break.
For dinner tonight, I decided to make a creamy raw tomato soup and avocado pesto butternut squash noodles. I have made pesto before (vegan but never raw) so I won’t post the recipe but the soup is new.
I am glad I started off this challenge with something besides a salad. Raw food can be so much more interesting.
Here’s the recipe:
Chop tomatoes, peel avocado and blend all ingredients together. I garnished the soup with sliced cherry tomatoes.
We both loved the soup! I can’t wait to try another raw soup this month. Thanks to lovingitvegan.com for the recipe!
In July, I am embracing a raw vegan diet which is fruits, veggies, nuts and seeds. I have tried it before but could never make it stick long-term. I am not interested in adopting it long-term but hoping this challenge will springboard me into incorporating more raw foods. Over the past year, I realized I depend on vegan processed food a bit too much. That has been harder to let go of than meat and dairy by far.
This past week, I lost 2.8 lbs. I still ate a mixture of raw, cooked and processed food. And it was all great–the vegetarian festival, the vegan potluck with friends and our regular meals at home.
However, I know if I don’t cut back on processed foods I may never heal the conditions I sought to in the first place. I am excited to see what this month brings–one raw meal at a time.
Your turn:
Have you ever tried a raw vegan diet? If so, what did you think?
I went to a movie earlier this afternoon. Two elderly ladies in the mostly empty theater decided to sit right next to me. Normally, I would be a bit annoyed because I love my personal space. However, they seemed sweet so I quickly got over myself and settled in for the show.
And I was glad I did. The woman who sat next to me practically catcalled when an actor she found attractive graced the screen. About halfway through, she belted out a few lines from “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate as it played in the film.
I had to pull myself together to keep from laughing. After I got home, she stayed on my mind. She reminded me of the little girl I watched throw her whole body and spirit in the middle of the studio floor at the end of Afro-Caribbean dance class a few months ago.
A girl of no more than 5 years old and a woman at least 60 years young with something to learn from and something in common. Their ability to let go and unapologetically be themselves.
I can’t say I am able to do that enough. I think too much. I pour over decisions and ask too many questions to too many people at times. Sometimes, I feel like I am “too much” or ” not enough”–whatever that means.
When I revisit my novel, my brain generally goes through all of those thoughts, those insecurities that seem to want to make a home in my mind. I want to invite those feelings to leave and embody more of what I felt today sitting next to that spirited woman.
I want to invite myself to let it go. Be unapologetic when I sit down to develop my characters and finish telling the story I believe I was always meant to write.
Today, my article sharing 3 tips to going vegan was published on 30seconds.com.
It was fitting because today is my one-year vegan anniversary. Hubby and I started for health reasons and eventually grew to care more about the environmental reasons, too.
During the course of a year, I have learned many things. I learned about my dependence on processed food, that cheese was the hardest food to kick, the importance of reading labels and that there is a plethora of delicious and diverse plant-based options in the world.
I also learned eating this way has been healing. I no longer deal with acid reflux or heavy periods. I also sleep better than I used to.
I have found a community that supports this lifestyle, too. I go to vegan potlucks, pop-ups and community festivals and lectures. Food justice in underserved areas is a real issue I care more about than ever thanks to the David Carter lecture I attended in Baltimore.
I feel more aware, healthier and it helps that I walk this road with a partner who reaps the benefits, too.
I am looking forward to what comes in year two. Year one opened my eyes to a world I don’t ever want to be closed off from again.
I came back to the gym today.
I had been gone almost a month. It started off as I had been over exercising to the point I was limping everywhere and I needed a break.
But then I found I was giving myself a “break” from eating well, too. There are a myriad of reasons for it but mostly it’s self-sabotage and retreating back to old habits. And a couple weeks passed and I realized I was avoiding the scale, too.
Then another week and a few days later (today), I climbed out of bed and on to the scale. In last week’s post, I wrote that I was betting on myself to see my way out of the static, out of the fog.
But the truth is that it starts in one place for me: Facing the truth of how I’ve treated myself. No avoiding.
Even when it got dark during these past few weeks, I did hold onto gratitude. I thanked God for waking me up. I thanked Him for my husband, my mother who is always there for me without fail and the security I felt knowing if I reached out to a number of people, they would reach back.
And it wasn’t easy. I tend to isolate. Being alone comes quite natural to me but it can also disguise itself as hiding from others or hiding from the truth of the path I started to go back down.
While working out today, I was listening to Patrice Washington’s podcast. She spoke about fighting for gratitude. Being grateful doesn’t come so easy for everyone. Sometimes we have to get in there and fight just to feel it.
And that’s what I am doing. Looking down at the scale today, I saw a 12.6 lb weight gain. But I also saw I was going to fight to take it off, fight not to give in to the shame that it brings and fight to keep going. I found myself grateful that I didn’t gain all the weight back and I recognized some of the poor habits I had with binge exercise beforehand.
I keep writing here that I don’t know how all of this ends but the truth is I do.
I will win.
I just have to take it one “thank you” at a time.
Your turn:
Do you ever feel you have to fight to feel gratitude?
Please comment below. I would love to read your thoughts.
While I was at Whole Foods today, I ran into an old co-worker. There were the regular pleasantries but then the inevitable question came: “Where are you now?”
And I had to think about it. I knew what he meant and I mumbled something about trying to freelance and we soon parted ways. Not that I had to pour the whole and complete truth out with all the details but after I left, I realize I am probably not sharing enough with my closest friends and family about the doubt I do feel along this journey.
I don’t doubt whether I want to write or that if I continue to write, at some point in time successes will come. I have moments where I let the frustration take over or the uncertainty of the “when” consume me. I know better but in those moments when I am asked what I am up to now, I want to be able to say so much more.
After I think that, I realize it’s up to me to make “so much more” happen. It’s up to me to approach vendors for partnerships with my E-book, pitch more publications and devote more time consistently to the completion of my novel. None of this is news. Just because more effort doesn’t guarantee more success immediately doesn’t mean I should stop being as aggressive with my other goals outside of blogging.
I believe our psyches crave instant gratification especially in our social media age. Patience is a discipline I struggle with the most. I have to remember to revel in the journey and look forward to the time when I can look back and ask “Remember when?…”
Maybe I should take comfort that I am in the same boat with millions of other creatives.
We are all working and waiting for our moment in the sun.
Sometimes we are impatient, insecure petulant children and at others, we are hardworking, giving people who are humbly anticipating the chance to let our art be seen, for the message we are communicating to the world to be heard.
Until then, I will write and wait.
Write and Wait.
Kristina Hamlett writes to connect, heal, and be a force for change.