Tag Archives: bloglikecrazy

It’s Everywhere.

Everyday during this challenge, I find myself looking for inspiration. Sometimes it comes from a picture, a message heard, a memory, a book, a meal, a quote or is birthed from just typing words until I see the words forming into a message. Today, I was watching an episode of the new Spike Lee Joint, the updated “She’s Gotta Have It” on Netflix. Nola Darling and her date walked into The River Cafe in Brooklyn. The entrance was lit beautifully and the greenery was incredibly lush.

My mind wandered to a restaurant in Aruba we went to on our honeymoon. I don’t remember the food but I remember the trees and the lights. The air. A lonely dog strolling back and forth in front of the entrance.

A connection was made. Watching Ms. Darling saunter confidently in her black dress into a cafe extracted memories of lovely trees lighting up our dinner in Aruba. There is beauty in finding inspiration everywhere, from leafing through an old notebook to standing on a balcony to sitting in a church pew to the cinematography on a TV show.  I hope I never lose sight of that–even after the daily challenge of looking for it is over.

Treasures

I was thinking recently about the first time I thought I about being a writer. I was around 10 years old. I still have one of my first old notebooks with abandoned attempts of short stories in a box somewhere. One of the stories was about an 11-year old girl named Stephanie who was spending her first Christmas after her parents’ divorce with her father and younger brother. The notebook had multi-colored tabs and I divided my work into ideas, first drafts and final drafts. I was also gifted multi-colored retractable pens. I still remember the glee I felt pushing one color down and watching a new hue pop up each time. The first draft of my Stephanie story was written in a teal cursive.

What I remember most fondly is how I thought this was the beginning and I couldn’t wait to publish my own series of books like Ann M. Martin’s Baby-Sitters Club books and be an acclaimed teen author. I love that I had dreams as a child. One of the most precious things about a child is their innocence. I was allowed to have mine. I had parents who bought me books and notebooks and colorful pens and never once made me feel silly about writing my stories.

They were my treasures. Mine to have. Mine to hold. Mine to keep.

 

 

 

Revisiting The Hollywood Commandments

I have been rereading passages from “The Hollywood Commandments: A Spiritual Guide to Secular Success.” Even though the book is largely directed towards those seeking advice for success in their careers, there are definitely gems that can apply to other areas of your life.

Following DeVon online, I’ve heard him read The Frustration Prayer several times. I know I read it while preparing to help promote his book as part of his online launch team. Since I’ve been at the hospital watching my husband recover (such a blessing!), I’ve had time to revisit passages and appreciate how circumstances change the meaning or the depth of impact of his words.

Here is the part of the prayer that brought tears to my eyes:

“Please, my God, help me. I’m crying out to You from the depths of my soul! I need peace to sustain me during the times when my frustration is so intense I start to lose my faith. I come against the frustration that seeks to derail my very existence! No weapon formed against me will prosper! I claim every good and perfect gift You’ve already planned for my life and I submit my career to You!”

As I was reading, my mind was swapping out “career” for “his/our health” and those words belonged to me. During any trial, it comes as no surprise how quickly frustration can gain a foothold in your spirit. I have often begged for peace of mind. Seeking support from my family, even though they are hours away and knowing there are a couple of friends close by that would be here if I asked them to be, have been vital. However, in the quiet moments, lying on this cot, watching my husband rest and gaining strength back, I have found solace in The Frustration Prayer.

Long Weekends

We are heading into a long weekend and there are certain things I look forward to:

How quiet my neighborhood seems during the day.

Binge watching TV with my husband

If weather permits, going to the park for a casual stroll.

Sleeping in

Last minute weekend getaways!

Reading for long stretches at a time.

Not thinking the following sentence: “I should really get to bed now.”

Conversation. Conversation where you don’t watch the clock or the phone.

Did I mention sleeping in?

Allowing myself to be still for longer periods of time.

Feeling rejuvenated.

Writing.

Eating at restaurants I haven’t tried yet.

Board games and cards..there have been many many many hours during a long weekend spent at my sister’s and parents’ house in a Monopoly, Uno, Scrabble or Phase 10 battle over the years.

Feeling grateful as I head off to see my family tomorrow to enjoy lots of the things on this list.

 

 

 

Meatless Monday: Easy Vegan Fettuccine

I decided to do something simple this time around and try the Easy Fettuccine Alfredo with Broccoli from brandnewvegan.com. I was particularly excited about it because I had never tried to make an Alfredo sauce and my curiosity was piqued because the recipe called for potatoes, onion, spices and cashews to make the creamy sauce.

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Drained cashews that eventually became major part of a creamy Alfredo sauce!
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Here’s the “Alfredo” sauce. Loved the creamy consistency!

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients

  • 2 Potatoes, quartered. (I recommend Yukon Golds)
  • ¼ onion (or the white part of 1 Leek), chopped
  • ½ cup cashews
  • 1 cup potato water used to boil potatoes
  • 1 Tbls Italian Seasoning
  • 1 tsp Lemon Juice (I like 2 personaly)
  • 2-4 cloves Garlic (again, more is better for me)
  • Salt and Pepper to Taste
  • 1-2 Tbls Nutritional Yeast (optional if you don’t like Nooch)
  • Fettuccine Noodles
Instructions
  1. Soak cashews in 1 cup hot water while preparing sauce
  2. Peel potatoes if desired and quarter them
  3. Add potatoes and onion to a large pot and cover with cold water
  4. Once the water is boiling, cook for 10 minutes
  5. Remove veggies with a slotted spoon and add to blender
  6. Add 1 cup of the potato water
  7. Drain cashews and add to blender
  8. Add remaining ingredients and blend until smooth
  9. Add more water to get the consistency you desire
  10. Season with salt and pepper to taste
  11. Prepare Fettuccini according to package instructions
  12. Add 1 bag frozen Broccoli during last 5 minutes of boil
  13. Drain thoroughly and stir in Alfredo Sauce

I can’t wait to make this again! Jeff and I both loved it. Speaking as someone who used to be a cheese addict, I was thoroughly impressed with this recipe.

Early in the Morning

Next week, I have a schedule change that will have me up earlier in the morning. When I was in my early 20’s, I jogged a few miles before class about 4 times a week. During one of my jogs, I fell hard and suffered a bad sprain that took a long time to heal. I never worked out the same again and I quickly gained back all the weight I had initially lost plus more.

With this schedule change, I would like to get up early again to exercise. I have worked out before and after work, off and on, for years since the sprain but I have not been intentional about picking a time, unless it was to attend a class or meet with a personal trainer.

I believe making this change will provide more of the discipline I need to meet my goals. Taking dance class this past month has empowered me. Setting a concrete time to workout, especially in the mornings is a habit I’ve read about for many years and I am inspired to make it my habit.

Embrace the Process

I went to dance class today. I did not want to go. My husband has been pretty sick these last couple of days and I have not been sleeping well. But because I was feeling a little under the weather last Saturday and missed class, I was determined not to miss two in a row.

While I was there, I felt out of step. It was evident that missing class last week put me behind in learning choreography for their upcoming performance.  Being worried about my husband drained me.  Not having control over when he is healed and having to cancel plans to celebrate my birthday this weekend threw me off kilter. But I wanted to be as present as I could be while I was there. I needed to move and sweat.

I am embracing the process. I literally wrote about this yesterday. When I imagine all of the intense workouts that are to come on this journey, I picture the endorphin release that generally comes and not still feeling sadness afterwards but this is what life is sometimes.

These are the moments when I want to crawl back under the covers and cry a little bit. But I choose not to right now. I am wrapping my whole arms, legs, torso around this moment.

It’s only the beginning.

 

 

 

A Birthday Note

Just wanted to drop a quick note to express how happy I am to celebrate my birthday. Not because I am throwing a huge party or going anywhere special today (the getaway is for the weekend). I woke up, helped blend smoothies for a sale (which went well by the way) and received the most beautiful card from my husband which broke me down in tears. Admittedly, it doesn’t take a lot to get me there.

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Me reacting to my husband’s card this afternoon.

But it’s never just about one card, one phone call, one text message or one social media post. It’s always about the love. It will never stop being about the love.

The List

When I was single, I heard many women talk about writing a list of the things they wanted in a husband. Two or three times on New Years Day, I wrote my own list. I  saw it as writing down a prayer for what I wanted and clearly defining who I thought I needed him to be.

I did not spend much time on physical characteristics. I was attracted to many kinds of men in the past so I just wanted to feel an attraction to him. Even though the physical part of his description wasn’t outlandish, other characteristics probably could have used an injection of reality.

For example, I knew my ultimate partner would be Haitian-American like me, well-traveled and well-read with a love for books that I would strive to match. He would also care about lifting up the community and volunteer as often as he could, probably with his church. He would also be an amazing dancer and get along famously with both his and my family. He would love multiple genres of music and be able to express his feelings without me having to prod too much.  He didn’t have to command attention as soon as he walked in the room but he should be able to if the situation called for it. He also had to have an appreciation for the arts.

So what kind of person did I end up marrying? In many ways, I could easily check off the wishes from my list like healthy familial relationships, kindness, faith, varied taste in music and when I asked for patience, the cup overflows. I am in awe of his patience. It showed me where I needed to grow.  However, he has a quiet nature, his family is American and from Virginia, he can’t dance,  and doesn’t love to read as much as I do. He also hasn’t traveled the world yet. If my memory serves me correctly, I forgot to write down one of the best qualities a partner can have: willingness.

One of the things that continually surprises me and keeps me happy is his willingness to try new foods, go to more cultural events, travel and support me while I was determining I wanted to commit to writing for the rest of my life.

I didn’t anticipate the joy that came with exploring it all together, at the same time. Sometimes, we are meant to learn and experience an event, trip or restaurant for the first time with our partners. In my single days, I had an expectation of my partner taking on the role of teacher. It isn’t that I didn’t expect us to teach one another but I subconsciously set up an expectation for a potential partner he did not ask to live up to.

But then there are times he stepped up to the plate that I never saw coming. At the height of my psoriasis which came over 2 years into our marriage, it had covered almost every part of my body and it was torture to wear clothes. I often wanted to tear them off and scratch. Many nights before settling into bed, he would lovingly paint my body with steroid cream and tell me he wished he could take the pain and scars from me.

I often think back to those nights and say to myself: I may not have gotten every little thing I wanted on the list but I got everything I didn’t even know I needed.

 

 

Transitions

During the spring semester of my senior year in college, I took a class that explored the relationship between literature and psychology. I don’t remember much about the class except that the size was small, the name of my professor and I found the content compelling. At the end of class, she conducted individual meetings. It was to discuss what she observed about each one of us during the course of the semester. The observations were purely based on what we shared during class.

During our meeting, she said I spoke frequently about fear. I remember being taken aback but it wasn’t a criticism. I seemed to identify it in the stories/pieces we read or clearly articulate it as part of a struggle the protagonist was going through and brought it up as part of class discussion.

When I went back to my dorm that afternoon, I took time to reflect on why I would have brought it up so often. Looking back, I wonder if it had to do with the transition I was getting ready to make.

At the time, graduation was near and I had been accepted to two different graduate programs in two states. I was proud of my accomplishments but a bundle of nerves at the same time. Since then, like most adults I’ve gone through several transitions: career, marriage and home ownership just to name a few.

I am grateful that even when fear threatened to paralyze me in some situations, I walked through it and made decisions anyway. I have also learned from the times, especially when it comes to my health, where I let fear stop me or have me return to my old habits. The truth is, if we’re really willing to admit it, aren’t we always at a crossroads? It doesn’t have to be at college graduation or deciding whether or not to take a job or marry someone you love. We are always standing in the middle somewhere, deciding to freeze in the moment, stretching it out and waiting for life to happen or moving forward with a bold new idea, health plan, way to raise our children, faith commitment, community activism or travel adventure?

Writing makes me feel like that girl again, straightening her cap and gown, leaving that version of the classroom behind and walking into her future. My love for the in-between, the murky, the gray only grows as I get older. I love knowing that each active decision I make drives me down a path I cannot completely see but undoubtedly holds experiences and knowledge I could not fill my life with otherwise.

In this moment, I am thanking God for transitions.