I have pretty much been in work mode all day and next level tired the whole time. Hubby is still sick but he has his moments when he is walking around so I remain grateful–a bit frustrated but grateful nonetheless. Part of me wishes I went to writing class tonight instead of giving into the weariness and the work.
So where does that leave me besides committed to the work? It leaves me proud that my weariness comes from work and challenges me to push through finalizing my project and keeping to my schedule posting here.
It also reminds me that if I could go back to even 2 years ago and ask if I would rather be living that life, the answer is an emphatic “No.” Being too scared or lazy or a combination of both to take classes, seek coaching, blog, attend conferences and write even when my lids and heart are heavy is nothing I want to run back to. Don’t misunderstand me. I harbor no ill will against who I used to be.
I am currently working on a project that will be released very soon. As excited as I am about it, I am trying to meet a deadline. The pressure is self-imposed but I care about meeting it for myself. I want to be confident in the work I am creating and if it takes time away from cooking and blogging about a meal here this evening, then it will just have to be.
It’s interesting that the more I try to stretch myself, the more obstacles seem to crop up. For instance, I was supposed to devote a lot of time Sunday to my project and finish up today. However, I didn’t plan for hubby to get violently ill and for me to take care of him in the wee hours of Sunday morning into the evening. Which also meant I didn’t sleep very well and tried to grab a few minutes of sleep here and there while checking on him. I am always happy to put him first but of course that means my head is not with the work nor should it be.
So I am adjusting. Saying no to driving to the store, scrambling to cook something, take photos and post about it.
Even though I know I have other work to do, on a laptop that decided to start giving me problems late last night as I tried to get more editing done, there is still a part of me that wants to say Yes and believe I can do it all. To take No out of the vocabulary.
But I am not listening. I am sticking with “No” because I don’t have longer than 24 hours in a day and it’s more than OK to acknowledge that.
I just got off of the phone with a good friend of mine and we were discussing celebrating wins or rather why people aren’t. She pointed out that while we are worrying about whether to celebrate or how to celebrate, time was still passing by. We let worry steal our minutes, hours, days and as the Good Book says we cannot add an hour to our lives by worrying.
We waste the moments. I let that slide in, slink around and settle for a minute.
Why do we do that? Question if we’re doing too much, being too much? And while I am going down this rabbit hole, what is too much? Let me give you some context. I am sitting on a panel for James River Writer’s first Writing Show of the year and I will reveal a project I’ve been working on next week.
While I feel excitement and curiosity about what I will learn and experience, I tend to be low-key. It’s usually not my style to announce things by shouting it from the mountain top.
However, I would like to learn to come in at above a whisper.