I’m writing this post-workout from the sauna. I had a long morning. Hubby and I spent that time having the kind of conversation I believe all married couples should. We went in deep, talking about things we promise do differently, pushing ourselves not to shut down when an issue comes up, as comfortable and as easy as that may be sometimes.
To shut down. Stay silent. Wait until one of us feels like talking and the tension clears to be “us” again. By the end of our talk, I told him I could never be in that kind of relationship.
I never want him to not know what I am really feeling. How his words or lack thereof or his action or lack thereof affects my mental health and my perspective on what we have built and are continuing to build together.
If I hold it all in, I will inevitably explode or maybe worse- say nothing for so long I become fearful to broach the subjects I need to.
I am guessing this is what relationship looks like for so many some days. Working through the awkward silences and the vulnerable admissions, choosing in our own way to say “I do” everyday.
I am fortunate most days are mixed with a healthy dose of routine, laughter, affection and the occasional surprise.
I am blessed to love someone who will tread those murky waters with me, confident our love is strong enough to meet us on the other side.