“She’s a Whole Lotta Woman.”

It was four listens today of “Desert Eagle.” I wish it was longer because it is only a little over a minute. It is a funky tease of a song but it made me want to find the nearest dance class that uses a chair as part of a sexy routine. For the first time, I Googled the title of a song on this album. I did not understand the reference which isn’t the first time while listening to Cowboy Carter but I chose to forgo searching before this. I wasn’t surprised to learn it’s a powerful gun that may not be the most effective of them all but can be described as “large and unwielding.” Maybe like the woman in the song.

I had to confront some prudeness while listening. I don’t tend to listen to a whole lot of anything that refer to “cream in the middle.” I shock myself with my discomfort. I have danced to, rapped to, sang to lyrics like that for years but I don’t usually read the words. I am usually singing along, almost absentmindedly, and riding the beat. But she is an empowered woman who has sex. Enjoys sex. Enjoys turning her partner on. Enjoys using her gifts to tell him she enjoys turning him on. Wants other people to feel the same if they choose.

To own it.

If it’s mine, why shouldn’t I?

If it belongs to you, why shouldn’t you?

“I’m a F***ing CenterFold.”

I am back at it again. Three listens back to back to back of “LEVII’S JEANS” today. Reading the lyrics throughout it made me shout one thing or at least prompted an internal shout: “Hello Confidence!”

I know this song describes an undeniable, almost animal-like attraction and bond with someone but it still takes confidence to express how sexy and hot you feel even within the confines of the relationship. I have felt beautiful. I have sprinkled some sexy and gotten spicy but this level? Can’t say I have.

Centerfold? Nope.

However, this has me thinking. What if this is just an untapped part of myself, lying dormant, waiting to be awakened? Romance and love and cuddles and poetry and commitment? Fantastic. I’ve got it. I wouldn’t dream of letting it go.

But what about the confidence that developing your sexy for yourself brings?

I dare myself to find out.