Tag Archives: musings

“Tell Me Can You Hear Me Now.”

This was my last back to back to back listen. The last song on Cowboy Carter was “Amen.” It is precisely what I felt like saying at the end of it, too as an angelic chorus signed off sweetly singing “Amen.”

Beyonce asks us to tell her we can hear her. It is a definitive yes and can I have more, please? But I know she is not asking those who are already fans or beliefs most likely align with hers, she is asking everyone. Not begging. But telling them, I spoke, I shouted, I sang, I whispered and I growled on these tracks. Did you hear me? I invited Linda Martell, Willie Nelson, Shaboozey, Willie Jones, Dolly Parton, and a host of others, honored Mr. Chuck Berry and invoked the spirit of Ms. Tina Turner thee Legend. Did you hear me? I cracked your heart open with my ballads, turned you on and made you shake and sweat. Did you hear me? I didn’t stick to my lane. Did you hear me? I called out your hypocrisy and rejection. Tell. Me. You. Can. Hear. Me.

I did, girl. I heard you.

And your voice asked me to give you twenty-seven days.

Amen.

“I ‘ve been waiting my whole life.” and “This the real you. “

Three listens of “II Hands II Heaven” on Cowboy Carter. I would have thought after “Riverdance” that I would have continued my thoughts about my own relationship but the relationship that kept coming up was the one I am having with myself. I understand Beyonce is very much singing gorgeously about her husband. But I keep getting the feeling, even as in love as I am, the one I have been waiting for is me.

Each step forward in my health, my writing, my willingness to speak up for myself unveils the woman I was meant to be.

The real me.

I found myself resonating with “ten thousand steps towards the time of your life” with every repeat of the song. Since I was 23, I have had the feeling I was meant for something greater. I remember sitting on the couch at my parents’ old home and telling my mother that. I didn’t think I was going to change the world but I knew my whole life wouldn’t be centered around a cubicle and I would need an outlet. And for years (especially when I would find myself in those environments) and denying how much I wanted to call myself a writer, I saw the people who enjoyed this work as zombies which is unfair. They were trying to make a living. Not unlike me. But some of them could barely part from their cubicle to eat when there was a lovely walking path outside and did not take their paltry fifteen minute breaks. I was devastated for them even though they were probably numb to it. I still don’t know what that “grand” thing is but I am willing to find out.

Like the song says “Only God knows why though.”

When I meet the most realized version of myself, I want to feel like I “partied in Venus and woke up in Mars.” What’s occuring to me right now as I am writing this, is since growth, as long as you seek it, is neverending, some moment of finality may never come but it won’t stop the undeniable bursts of joy and recognition along the way.

The mystery of this life and how we love ourselves and others can be written and sung about for milennia on end and we will always find new ways to treasure and immortalize it.

I am filled with gratitude and happily throw up two hands to heaven as I am privileged to read and hear so much of it.

“I stayed away from you too long.”

I have one more week to go of Cowboy Carter musings. I don’t regret a single second of devoting my time to these listens. It has brought back the joy of yesteryear—cracking open the CD, slipping the book from the plastic and singing along to the lyrics, cozied up in my room.

Today was the “Oh Louisiana” interlude by Chuck Berry. I wanted to listen to the whole song but what was presented was 53 seconds. Just enough for a taste and maybe just enough to tickle the curiosity of the listener to discover or revisit Chuck Berry’s discography. I understand Beyonce has made references to her Louisiana heritage on her mother’s side in her music. I love she is proud of her heritage and she took the time to tip her hat to Mr. Berry. It is just more proof she is honoring the true kings and queens of American music.

Maybe we as listeners have stayed away too long from our families, from the places we have hailed from, from who we truly are and it just may be time to come home.

“My soul keeps reminding me that we’re forever young.”

I listened to “Flamenco” from Cowboy Carter today. Three listens. Back to back to back. I am attached to writing these muses. I am already starting to think about poetry, albums and fiction I want to write about here. It’s inspiring to let the art of others put you on a new path. It’s the wonder of possibility.

But back to “Flamenco”, I heard a cry for help or a yearning to send a message to someone who may already be lost. Maybe the person who is already lost or fading away is her or the type of fan she always thought she would have. That is up to her to tell her fans if she so chooses. When anyone is singing they are in need of help right now, I want to know all of the things. Why? How?

Where can I fit in if I am the piece of the puzzle you are looking for?

The lyrics about her soul reminding her that we’re forever young brought back a random memory. My father and I were on a long walk several years ago, probably over a decade. He told me that when he looks in the mirror, it doesn’t match what he sees in his mind. That the boy or man he was in his teens or twenties didn’t seem so far away. I was too young to fully get it but I do now. I remember who I was 20 years ago. The things I laughed at, hugging my friends, goofing off with my sister, conversations I had with my brother. My perception of what was is strong but who knows how accurate and that doesn’t even matter. It is within me. She is within me. No need to reclaim it.

We are traveling this journey with our past, present and future right about now.

“Don’t Let Go.”

I almost didn’t write this today. After all, it’s “just” an interlude, “Smoke Hour” with Willie Nelson that features song clips from Sister Rosetta Tharpe, Roy Hamilton, Chuck Berry, Charles Anderson and Son House. But this sixth track isn’t “just” anything.

There was an intention.

It’s let me give you the history, the foundation on which country and rock and blues and gospel was built. You are going to hear it and if your ignorance won’t allow you to hear it, even with Willie playing it, that’s on you. You have chosen your truth even if it’s a lie.

And another truth comes into view: There is nothing new under the sun. We are ever in the practice of highlighting, attributing, borrowing, paying tribute with our homages, and being influenced by those who come before us. I spent hours today in the company of poets who read original work but undoubtedly there was the influence of religious texts, other poets, and musicians. It is all around us and we cannot help it sinks deep into our psyche, falling in step with our thoughts, coming out to play in the expression of our art.

We only need to say thank you and play the next song.