I’ve been thinking about what I’ve learned since starting to take this health journey a lot more seriously over the last month. This week, I lost 1.4 lbs. Hubby and I have been down this road before but for some reason, I’ve wanted to be more open and accountable this time around. Several months ago, we started weighing in every week but when the weight began going back up, I closed myself off and shunned the scale.
Like a lot of people, I’ve had a complicated relationship with the scale. I would weigh in too often, like twice a day at times or weigh in with my sister and have her tell me because I couldn’t bear to look at the number.
Weird but true.
It took me years to internalize that it was a number. And yes, the number is an indicator but not the sole predictor or the end all be all of anything. It also took a long time to accept I was the kind of person who pretended nothing was really wrong as long as I avoided it.
Of course, I would land right back at the beginning of yet another journey.
This time around, I am embracing the number no matter what it is. After all, it can change according to how I am treating myself or time of the month.
In the Bible, Paul says that there is a thorn in his side even he could not heal. He could heal others but not himself. I am not Paul or anyone else but Kristina. And this is something I can take away from myself, even if PCOS or my genes declare it will be harder for me.
I’ve learned that hiding or running away from it doesn’t change anything about my health.
In fact, it just reveals it, puts it out on the main stage and shoves it awkwardly out into the light.